


The Principle of Causality

by velociraptors



Category: Free!
Genre: Awkward First Times, Awkward Sexual Situations, Bad Sex, Fluff and Smut, Humor, M/M, Porn With Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-08
Updated: 2014-09-08
Packaged: 2018-02-16 14:15:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2272839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/velociraptors/pseuds/velociraptors
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a casual, light-hearted tale of two swim team captains who fail gloriously at having sex with one another. Yep, that's the whole fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Principle of Causality

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Orchidias](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Orchidias/gifts).



**I.**

"Ouch-! Stop, _stop_ -! Damn it, hold on for a second!!" 

Rin's voice sounds too hoarse to his own ears as he grips Makoto's arms tightly, trying to halt his progress if one can even call this "progress" at all. As far as Rin can tell, his ass feels like it's being stabbed through with a cleaver, and he wonders at what point he had abandoned enough common sense to allow this at all. He must have been crazy or maybe feeling too agreeable earlier when Makoto's body had been crushing his own with too much solid heat, which had been his own fault really. He has a bad habit of not being able to think clearly when Makoto shows his bolder side, which also happens to be the times when stupid things like this happen.

Okay, maybe not _exactly_ this, but he often does make regrettable choices in the heat of the moment, spurred by pure impulse -presently speaking, it's sex-addled impulse. And Makoto looks so guilty about the whole thing that Rin doesn't want to stop in spite of the stabbing pain and the fact that he's completely sure he's going to hate having the entirety of his dick inside. He can't even manage to take a single inch of him in, which is pathetic given how much he favors his personal victories. This would have been a nice one to have since it's a huge relationship hurdle, and here he is, tripping over his feet before he even gets the chance to jump.

What's worse is that Makoto is clumsily falling along with him and already whispering apologies as he pulls out, and the more he apologizes, the more frustrated Rin gets because sex shouldn't be this difficult, especially for two well-toned, able-bodied athletes who spend way too much time stretching out and are at the peak of their health and virility. 

If anything, they should be going at this with the untamed force of two jungle cats unleashed upon one another in the wilds of the Serengeti and not …well, two teenage boys whose only frame of reference for this includes ten minutes of googling before rapidly slamming the laptop shut because _what the hell are teenage boys sticking inside themselves these days?!_ The images are still branded somewhere in Rin's mind as he contemplates just _why_ he can't do this. Is there something missing? Did they not spend enough time on foreplay? 

The whole evening replays in his mind in a flash, recalling that it had started with Sousuke leaving them the room to study together since he was heading home for the weekend to visit his family anyway. That was fine. Sousuke's always been ridiculously generous like that. After that, Rin was helping Makoto with his English homework -again, fairly normal. Makoto still sucks at it, but he's cute when he tries. 

Of course, that lead to Rin trying to adjust Makoto's lips for him and get him to move his tongue just right so he could pronounce the syllables well. His fingers didn't cut it, so he tried showing him with his tongue instead. English homework was rapidly abandoned after that, flung carelessly to the floor, and Makoto was pressed down on top of it while Rin's own hands buried themselves in Makoto's hair, pulling him so hard to his own mouth. He refused to let go then, and the kiss became slightly less educational and more primal. 

Time flew by, exchanging kiss after kiss, and shirts were abandoned on their homework. Then Rin twisted his hips, and Makoto bucked up against him reflexively, pushing against him harder until their bodies were grinding together frantically. Rin's own heart had been matching their pace by then, diving into his rib cage like it had a personal death wish while Rin could feel his cock growing harder the more he angled himself into Makoto's thigh.

And that was when Makoto -who had somehow developed a hidden streak of perversion in between the time Rin asked him out and the current present- had asked if it would be okay to go further tonight. When Rin asked how far, he most definitely hadn't been expecting Makoto's sincere and ultimately impure request to have sex only worded in Makoto-language so it sounded like something that would make Rin's own resolve not to ever have things put in his ass melt away just like that. 

He really wanted to say no. He really did. It was on the tip of his tongue because he hadn't exactly entertained getting that far just yet and which position he'd take, if any. He was plenty fine with hands or grinding whenever the mood struck, and then they could roll away and not have to deal with the residual ache that sits in places where one was recently fucked. 

But this was Makoto, and Rin tried to imagine it the other way around with Makoto's face paling and cringing all over, clenched in agony because he doesn't have the same threshold for pain that Rin does. That's ultimately why Rin agreed. He couldn't stand the idea of making the other guy uncomfortable and scarring him like that so he thought that, surely, if he were receiving, this would somehow all go more smoothly.

Once that was decided, Makoto procured a condom from god knows where. The guy was full of surprises this evening, and it made Rin wonder just how long he'd been carrying it around. Maybe he had simply done it as a precaution because he was a thoughtful guy like that, and it looked like the sort of condom that one could pick up for free at the school nurse's office. The thought of Makoto with his large dopey eyes and sweet face buying condoms from a drug store was …unfathomable. 

Rin just couldn't wrap his head around him actually requesting that from a bewildered, underpaid teenage sales clerk, so a free condom it was. Hopefully, it would fit. Honestly, Rin had never thought to purchase any nor had he tried them on. It said 'MAXX' on the wrapper, though that also lead to the question of just how _MAXX_ is 'MAXX.' 

Now, spending their pivotal years on the same swim team together meant there were lots of times where they were exposed to one another. That was normal and nothing worth batting an eye over. Rin, for the most part, had been unfazed by the bodies of other guys and wasn't particularly interested in glancing lower. Whenever he did so happen to accidentally let his gaze fall that way, he just saw penises doing what they do best -hanging there. It wasn't anything different, special, or impressive.

It was completely another story when those penises happened to be completely hard in his hand, and Rin could only feel some impending dread at the size and weight of it. Makoto also happened to be slightly larger than himself, which didn't really hurt Rin's pride so much as it made him cringe when he tried to work out in his head how he'd fit it inside, and the more Rin started thinking about it while they undressed and exchanged kisses, the tenser he felt his body getting, sure that it wasn't going to actually go in there smoothly. 

The ten minutes of googling did imply that they'd need some extra assistance, and Rin mostly had ointment on hand that he kept for joint and muscle pain. That was a horrible idea in hindsight because it smelled unpleasant, and it made Rin's skin inside tingle uncomfortably. He could only describe it as feeling like toothpaste was being squirted there, and the consistency didn't make it any easier at all. 

All of this lead to the present situation they are in now with Rin undressed and on his back, legs loosely wrapped around Makoto's waist while Makoto struggles to press in little by little. His face looks green at the edges, and he's practically vibrating on top of him. Rin can't tell if it's from sheer restraint or if he's trying not to panic because things are going hideously bad for the two of them. 

"Do you want to stop?" Makoto asks, and Rin feels like he somehow stepped on a kitten when the guy uses that tone of voice.

He'd been trying so hard to loosen up enough to let him inside, and he feels really bad that this is as far as the two of them can go right now. He doesn't even know what's wrong with him except that whenever Makoto tries to push in, his body jerks away like it's on fire, and his voice picks up with a loud hiss. Then Makoto feels bad and stops, and they end up in this horrible cease-fire, looking lost, hurt, and confused at one another. 

Fearing the worst, Rin shakes his head stubbornly and grips Makoto's back tightly while trying to convince himself he really wants this. It's just sex. It'll feel better once it's in, right? 

"No, I don't want to stop. Just keep going. I'll deal with it." 

"But you're in pain, Rin." 

"I said _keep going!_ " 

The words come out harsher than he means them to, but Makoto nods after a moment even if he doesn't look all that assured about this decision. In another brilliant moment of hindsight, Rin really wishes they'd have waited because he's always imagined this sort of thing to happen in a more romantic scenario -music playing, silks sheets beneath their sweat-soaked bodies, and the moon filtering in through the window. All that stuff. 

Instead, he has a broken iPod (because Momo accidentally dropped it in the pool a week ago), so there goes any idea of music. His sheets hadn't been changed in over a week and are an ugly shade of hospital-like linen that looks like something people should be dying on instead of having sex on. There aren't any flowers because the closest flowers to his dorm in Samezuka tend to smell like rotting flesh in the summer. And the clouds are murdering the ambience by parking themselves in front of the moonlight, so the only light they have is from the desk lamp.

Rin's actually thankful for that because he can conceal his own face a bit better in the darkness, trying not let Makoto know the extent of his agony as Makoto tries to wriggle his way inside again. It feels like he's trying to shove a baseball bat through a pin hole, and Rin's fingers press violently into Makoto's back as he pushes just the tip inside. 

Once again, Rin curses, but he forces his body to stay still and not flinch or move away this time. Makoto's still trekking along, trying to get more of himself inside while looking more irresolute than he wants to let on. Rin doesn't know if he feels worse for himself or him right now, but Makoto was the one that asked to begin with. Rin mostly agreed because it was _Makoto_ who asked him -Makoto who never asks for anything for himself and who never makes demands and who is always perfectly happy to give and indulge.

This was the first time he ever looked him in the eye and said he _wanted_ something from him, and of course, Rin crumbled. He crumbled so badly that he was willing to endure every single pain the world for him, but Makoto is clearly not enjoying this. Even worse is the fact that he can feel his dick softening inside of him, which is to be expected. Makoto would be the last person in the universe to be turned on by anyone's pain, and Rin's face is too animated in spite of having wanted to appear calmer and more collected about the whole ordeal.

This really is not one of the finer moments of his young teenage life, and Makoto seems more than a little defeated as he starts to pull back out, shoulders sagging.

"Hey- don't make that face," Rin says quickly, pushing himself up a little, though the pain is already inching its way up his spine, "I said I was fine. We can try again later." 

Makoto nods mutely though the condom looks like it's about to give up on them, too, considering it's all shriveled up and apparently trying to escape from Makoto's body. He sort of doesn't blame it after that sad display, but Rin tries to do his best to placate the guy. 

"It wasn't… it wasn't bad." 

Okay, that was a horrible way to placate the guy, but Rin's pretty bad at being anything but honest to Makoto. 

"I don't know what I did wrong, Rin. I thought-" 

-that it would just come naturally to them because the both of them like one another so much. Rin thought the same, too. He'd been hoping when they did finally do it, it would be amazing and that his whole body would thrum and explode with pleasure. He had expected tender embraces after and whispered admissions instead of the two of them trying to fit into one another like two misplaced puzzle pieces. The thought that they couldn't and would never be able to fit together nicely had never occurred to him, but now, he's wondering if their bodies just weren't made for one another.

Makoto is a bit on the big side, and he himself might have an unnaturally snug area …back there. Maybe. It's not like Rin's spent any time whatsoever examining it or trying to compare hole sizes with anyone ever. Whatever the reason is for the two of them being so bad at this, Rin can't let Makoto take the blame for it. 

His hand clutches his shoulder, giving him a gentle shake. 

"You didn't do anything wrong. It's not like we had any instructions. We were just trying things out. We can figure it out over time. Think of it… like the first time you jumped in a pool. You didn't exactly know how to swim right away. You had to figure out how to float and then from there, you had to develop skill and technique."

It's a clumsy analogy, but he thinks that might be the root of the problem. They're both inexperienced. Neither of them had ever dated or kissed anyone else before being with one another. Neither of them are avid readers of any explicit material nor do they collect any videos of that nature, as well. Health class had only covered men doing it with women. Lastly and most importantly, google is like a gateway to forbidden horrors. 

Growing more confident in his conclusion, Rin's voice rapidly goes into Captain Mode as he gazes at Makoto seriously.

"We can't give up here, Makoto. I decided tonight that I'd do this with you, so I'm going to do whatever it takes to make it work." 

Makoto actually looks touched by the sentiment, which is a relief. His face softens perceptibly, and he nods resolutely. 

"I want to try again." 

"All right, get another condom. I'll get more of this ointment. We're doing this." 

Makoto pauses at those words before looking a little sheepish all of the sudden. That's when his face flushes a little in embarrassment, and his hand cups the back of his own head while he ducks forward a little.

"I only had the one… I'm sorry. I didn't even know if I'd be using that one tonight. It was just one they gave out to all of us at a safe-sex assembly." 

So he was right about that one. Unfortunately, that doesn't solve the 'having sex' portion of tonight's date, and Rin has far too many reservations about continuing without one. The both of them are athletes, so they need to look after their bodies as best as they can. Not to mention, he doesn't really want Makoto spilling anything inside that area and having to deal with cleaning out the squelchy mess after. 

"Honestly, Makoto …," he remarks softly while sitting up and sighing out loud, "so you didn't even plan this at all? I was starting to think you had this all carefully crafted in your head." 

Those words draw out a soft chuckle from Makoto who shakes his head lightly. "Not really. It was sort of a spur of the moment thing. I mean, I had thought about it a little before. On my own. But it didn't really occur to me until I saw you. I guess, you can say … I got caught up in the moment." 

Now, it's Rin's turn to feel slightly flustered since he didn't expect Makoto to be that impulsive or passionate. He always struck him as someone more subdued outside of the water, but then again, they probably have opposing effects on one another. Since Makoto calms him down, it stands to reason that he'd make the guy more fired up in return. At least, that's how he'd like to see it, but who really knows? Makoto still doesn't really do anything explosively, and Rin can't read him the way that Makoto can read Haru. 

"What exactly made you decide that tonight was the night?" 

Makoto's quiet for a moment as he stares down at his lap, obviously trying to pinpoint a single 'moment.' He seems to debate on it for a few seconds before finally answering-

"It was the sound of your laugh. When I brushed my fingers over your rib while we were kissing, you laughed. I thought to myself …it had been so long since I heard you make that sound. For a time, it felt like I'd never hear it from you again, so I felt touched that you would trust me enough to let your guard down around me. I liked the way you sound when you're not self-conscious." 

Those words pierce Rin a little too hard, and he stops breathing for a moment, wondering if it's really possible to narrow everything down to a single moment like that. He thinks of all the little things that drew him to Makoto -all the times he smiled at him and the times his words hit him like a punch to the gut. But if he's looking for a moment where he thinks he might have fallen a little too hard and clumsily for him, it might just be this one right here, and the thought alone makes his skin heat up a little too quickly as he makes a funny sound in the back of his throat, nodding.

Makoto gives him a worried look in response, both hands suddenly cupping his cheeks.

"R-rin, are you going to cry?"

"I'm not going to cry!" Rin snaps back quickly, but he doesn't resist the grip. He was only a little choked up… that's it. Nothing serious. Geez, Makoto is already looking at him like he's dying, too. Does this guy ever stop worrying about something or another?

"Anyway, we should reschedule," Rin says after a moment, "the mood's sort of gone now, and we should probably buy better supplies."

"You're right. How about in two weeks? I can stay over again, and we can…" 

Rin nods quickly, cutting him off. Makoto doesn't need to finish that thought. If he does, then Rin might get in the mood again, and he's not in the mood to be in the mood when parts of him still feel like they're burning with an unholy fury. He's not going to be able to sit down properly for some time, and swim practice is going to be hell. But it's a small sacrifice because Makoto looks more than a little overjoyed at the thought of trying again, which makes Rin wonder yet again what sort of thoughts have been polluting this guy's head as of late. How can he go from remorseful to eager in a matter of seconds? 

Well, he supposes Makoto is also a guy and has needs even if he doesn't address them a lot of the time, but this is one Rin can help with. Two weeks is also enough time to prepare himself better for it mentally …and physically. Maybe. If they are going by swimming principles, training and conditioning does improve performance, and he's sure he can figure things out on his own end. 

They both get dressed quickly and arrange themselves comfortably on the mattress, forgoing any more making out, too, in favor of sleeping, though Rin's mind is already tossing and turning with ideas. 

 

 **II.**

It's Sunday afternoon when Sousuke returns form his trip, and Rin is still in bed, which is a probably rare sight. Normally, he'd be either doing homework or holed up in the gym, but today he's lying face down with his head pressed into the pillow, drawing Sousuke's attention.

"I thought Tachibana was staying over," he says quietly as if having expected to walk in on something impure and immoral.

Oh, if only he'd been here a few hours ago…

Rin's answer is half-muffled, telling him in tired words, "He left this morning." 

Sousuke looks like he wants to ask him more, but he's also inspecting the bottle of painkillers and the glass of water on Rin's desk with interest. Maybe Rin won't have to give him any kind of embarrassing explanation after all. That guy has always been particularly good at figuring him out anyway, and words aren't his friends right now. Moving isn't his friend, either. For a guy who only took an inch of a dick inside himself, he feels like he might as well have climbed Mt. Fuji and sat bare naked on its peak. 

"What happened?" Sousuke finally asks, and Rin feels the mattress dip next to him and one solid hand land on his back. 

It's warm enough to actually offer him some comfort, but Rin still isn't eager to retell anything. 

"The date didn't go well?" he continues to prod, "You didn't snap at Tachibana, did you?" 

That finally encourages Rin to turn over, glaring at him and digging a knee into Sousuke's hip. 

"Why do you assume it's my fault?" 

Though in all honesty, it wouldn't be far-fetched. Everyone knows he's got the worst temper and isn't always in control of his emotions, but Makoto's good at placating him quickly. Where as he and Sousuke would end up in a fist fight, Makoto can just cut through his anger with a few poignant words and get him to deflate completely like that. It's rather admirable and probably the most crucial reason that guy can stand on the same level as captain with him. Rin may have the advantage in riling up his guys and encouraging them, but Makoto's the one who keeps his own grounded and together. 

"I know you," Sousuke simply replies, "but if the two of you didn't fight, then what happened?" 

_'Take a wild guess'_ Rin wants to say, but he thinks maybe even this might be too far-fetched for him to figure out on his own. Or just too humiliating. Either way, Rin still can't find a way to put it into words, but Sousuke's his best friend. He should say _something_. After all, he was the first guy Rin even talked to about Makoto, which had just been a formality by that point. Sousuke had already known he had feelings for the guy long before he even had to voice them, so there has never really been much reason to keep anything from him. And it was also Sousuke who more or less encouraged him to confront Makoto about it and not to just let them stew in his head and affect his performance. In spite of his harsh way of voicing his opinions, he knows Sousuke just wants him to be happy even if he can tell his roommate still has plenty of misgivings about him dating a captain from a rival team.

At least, he's been keeping those misgivings to himself for the most part and just reminding him not to let it get in the way of their competition or not to go easy on those guys. Like Rin ever would. In fact, dating Makoto just makes him want to give him and Iwatobi his all whenever he confronts them in the pool, and having Haru there also ignites his competitive side like nothing else. He never wants to give Sousuke any reason to doubt that he can't have both a friendship and strong relationship with those guys and still want to win. It's because he cares and respects them so much that he can't resist putting his best foot forward. 

After mulling it over for a few few seconds, Rin decides to actually be a little frank -well, as frank as he can be, considering the subject matter is still embarrassing as hell for him. 

"We tried to …do it together last night." 

It's the first time in a while that he's seen Sousuke's eyebrows rise that high, though his roommate looks more confused than anything else. 

"It?" 

"Yeah, _it._ You know…" Rin makes a vague gesture with one of his hands, definitely not meeting Sousuke's face head-on because he can't handle the guy's intense and leveled stare when he's trying to spit out intimate details of his non-sex life. He'd mime it out for him, but that would be even worse. 

"Oh," Sousuke says after a moment, his eyebrows still way up near his hairline, " _it_." 

Rin's quite grateful for the guy's indelible ability to read him because it's certainly working to his advantage as he nods and looks slightly embarrassed and distressed. Hopefully, he can keep piecing the rest together. 

"It didn't go well," Sousuke keeps supplying, "did you snap at him?"

Rin's face twists into a scowl as he kicks him none too gently again. "Why do you keep thinking it's my fault? It wasn't even my idea." 

That seems to draw a different kind of surprised reaction out of Sousuke, but he doesn't comment on it. Really, no one ever suspects Makoto would have those kind of sexual proclivities. 

"It wasn't because we were fighting," Rin explains after making sure he's left a sizable bruise on Sousuke's hip bone. "It just didn't go in, so we stopped. I don't know what we did wrong." 

His hand is clutching the back of his own neck as he stares at the ground, still more than a little confused how they just didn't… connect. Was he not loose enough or something? This really is out of his area of expertise. 

"You mean… he could't get inside."

Sousuke is saying the words so carefully that Rin wonders if he didn't actually manage to break the guy's sense of reality. Here he thought he would have been able to accept it more readily. He's never known him to be bothered by much, but then again, he is just now learning that his best friend failed to lose his virginity. If it were Sousuke saying the same thing to him, he wouldn't be able to wrap his mind around it, but he also doesn't think Sousuke would ever fail to get it done, either. He's always managed to surpass him in more areas than one, a fact that's sort of pissing him off right now because Rin would like some of that calm resolve of his at the moment. 

"You were the one receiving." 

_Yes, Sousuke._ That was established a few seconds ago. Rin has half a mind to actually snap at him, but he doesn't need that point emphasized. He's still embarrassed he even allowed it. He doesn't know what it says about him or the state of his own masculinity or anything like that. Mostly, he'd just been thinking about Makoto at the time and not being the one to cleave his ass in two, so he hadn't particularly given thought to any further implications. 

"Yeah, and what's your point?" Rin finally asks, clearly getting exasperated. 

"No point. It was just unexpected, that's all." 

Sousuke goes all quiet again, and Rin can't even begin to fathom how the gears are turning in his head. It's a little frustrating when he does hold things back and when his eyes won't meet his. He doesn't know how to interpret it, and he wishes that Sousuke's ability to read him so well was one he could echo back perfectly like Makoto and Haru. 

"Well, like I said, he didn't finish. _None of us finished_. We couldn't do it." 

"But you're going to try again." 

"Of course, I am!" 

Because Rin refuses to ever give up on anything again whether it be swimming, his dreams, love, and yes, even taking his boyfriend up the ass. They all go hand in hand somehow. There's no question about it. Even if he has to spend everyday practicing for it -except he can't because Makoto lives with his very nice domestic family, and he has a roommate whom he can only tell to go hang around somewhere else with the shoulder he so graciously messed up on his account so many times. He also can't bring himself to hassle the guy for the sole sake of sex because knowing Sousuke, he probably would comply, which would make Rin feel worse. 

Sousuke seems amused by the conviction in his words because he actually smirks a little in between all the quiet and thoughtful glances shot his way. Then again, he's the one who understands his tenacity the most. 

"Do you have a plan?" 

Rin shakes his head after a moment, not sure if it's even normal to have a sex plan. It should be fairly easy, right? Put one thing into the other. Except the other thing might be too small and snug to fit the first thing, so how does one get around that? 

"I'm still trying to figure out why it wouldn't go in all the way. It's not possible."

If things can go out that way, then they can go in. That's his logic regarding the whole situation. 

"Did you check online?" 

Rin blanches at the thought, glancing over at his laptop again. He saw things… Sousuke doesn't want to know what he saw. He almost envies his naiveté. Rin was like that once. 

"For a bit, but it wasn't too explicit-" is his reply to that, and Sousuke arches a brow like he's unconvinced. 

It's natural. Since when is the internet not explicit about anything? At least, the guy is trying to be helpful, and Rin's honestly grateful about it. But he can't get a feel for how weirded out Sousuke is about the situation or not. He's still looking overly subdued by his words, but being the kind of guy he is, Sousuke decides to stand up and move to his own laptop before sitting down and typing things in anyway.

Curiously, Rin moves from the bed to peak over his shoulder, unsure what he's expecting to find. A list of gay sites is probably something he should have expected, and Sousuke, being the guy he is, is bravely skimming through them and thoroughly reading like he's doing research for a history report. Rin will never understand how he manages to do these things without getting even the slightest bit embarrassed, but there are diagrams, at least. Lots of close-up anatomical diagrams. 

"Did you use lubricant?" he finally asks after a moment. 

"Of course, I didn't! I don't own any. Why would I have that stuff on hand?" 

"So what did you use instead?"

Rin points to the bottle on his desk for joint and muscle pain, and he catches Sousuke's face scrunching up like he's in pain. 

"Rin, you can't use that for those type of things. For one, we both share that bottle." 

"It was all we had! Give me a break! I wasn't going to let him do it without anything. I know that much." 

Sousuke looks like he actually wants to hit him instead, but maybe, that was part of the problem the whole while. They could have probably managed a better experience with something that was slicker and smelled better. 

"The website says to use water or silicon-based lubricant, especially if you're going to use a condom. You did use one, right?" 

"I di-! he did. Whatever. What else does it say?" 

Rin's hands remain poised on Sousuke's good shoulder, leaning over him to read and wondering why he hadn't found anything like this when he searched. Admittedly, embarrassment had taken over while Makoto was around, so he hadn't been inclined to be all that thorough. Plus, his heart had been racing too frantically and his body had been in panic mode. In hindsight, they really should have spent _way_ more time figuring this stuff out. 

"To use the missionary position for the first time because that's when your- … you know, you could read this. I don't have to dictate it out loud for you." 

With that, Sousuke moves from the chair and calmly reaches out for Rin, shoving him in his spot. "Maybe next time it won't be as bad." 

Rin's eyes flit over the screen as he scrolls down the web page, which presents the facts in a very logical and straightforward manner. It's almost like he's thumbing through his swimming manuals again, only this is …well. Sex. Anal sex to be more precise. He still can't even believe he has to look it up online, having figured instinct and hormones would have shown him The Way. In reality, instinct and hormones only showed him that he can be an impatient moron at times.

The bed creaks behind him, and he catches Sousuke out of the corner of his eye, lying on his mattress with one arm behind his head. He's still looking contemplative about something, but Rin doesn't know if he'll cough it up if he starts bothering him. In all likeliness, Sousuke is probably still trying to wrap his head around the idea of his best friend doing it with a guy, so Rin drops the matter quickly.

Instead, he focuses on the screen before him, thinking this is a good start. He even considers forwarding it to Makoto, but he knows the guy shares his computer at home with his siblings. Not to mention, it might send the wrong kind of message, so nope, he's vetoing that idea quickly. 

 

**III.**

"Sousuke, why are we in front of a sex shop?" 

Rin's eyes gloss over the front of the store which tries to look as nondescript as possible with a picture of an octopus in lingerie and heels that's holding a riding crop in the front. There are so many things wrong with that image, and Rin doesn't even know where to start naming them. 

"Come on." 

"Wait-! Sousuke, hold on!" 

His protests die as soon as he's yanked inside by Sousuke's stronger grip, and so many questions flash through his mind at once, the first and foremost being _'How does Sousuke even know about this place?'_ It had been at least ten train stops away from their campus, and it's also wedged in some tiny out-of-the way alley that looks seedy enough even without the sex shop there. He'd like to believe that maybe Sousuke just looked it up for his benefit, but who knows? It's not like he's ever really asked Sousuke about his sexual history, though he makes a point to do so later. 

"Rin, if you're going to do it, then you need to buy things for it properly. I'm not letting you use anything in our room." 

Okay, fair enough. He guesses Sousuke is still not over the muscle cream, but being inside one of these places is a little overwhelming. There are just too many contraptions, bottles, and outfits in every single direction he looks. The sensory overload hits him right away, and Rin doesn't even know where to start as he glances at shelf upon shelf of "massage oils." He can only imagine what those are actually supposed to be used for. 

Sousuke's already browsing along the shelf marked 'lubricants' and motioning Rin over like they're shopping for bathing suits, instead. What's with this guy? How can he be so unbothered while Rin's ready to bolt under the weight of his discomfort at the moment and hoping nobody even saw the two of them come in here. He didn't think to bring a hat or anything, though at least he's not in his uniform. It'd look questionable if two model students from Samezuka were caught going inside one of these places. 

"That site said you needed water-based, so these are probably the be- are you listening to me?" 

No. No, Rin isn't. He's still standing near the entrance, taking it all in, but he feels his arm tugged harshly a second time. That breaks him out of his stupor, and he scowls at Sousuke before rubbing at his forearm. 

"Stop that! And why didn't you tell me this is where we were going!? When you said you had something to show me, I thought it was going to be something else entirely!" 

"Like what?" 

"Like a pool or a new ice cream shop or anything that isn't this place!!" 

Sousuke has the gall to chuckle at him while shaking his head. "You were the one who went along without knowing, and if I'd told you, you wouldn't have gotten this far."

"That's because- look at what kind of shop it is!" Rin lowers his voice and hisses by Sousuke's ear, "What if someone saw us and got the wrong idea?"

"Nobody saw us. I picked one far away for that reason." 

Yes, but it's still very much possible. Rin isn't exactly reassured by his words, and he also doesn't like the way the shop keeper is looking at them. He's way too old to be working in a place like this, and the fact that he looks like he could be some cute girl's innocent grandfather just makes it all the more disturbing to him. 

"Last time I ever let you take me anywhere," Rin mutters before finally bothering to look at the lubricants. 

There are … a lot. Too many. Rin doesn't even know which one is better or if he should go for something flavored, something that tingles, something flashy… honestly, it shouldn't be this hard. _Sex shouldn't be this hard!!_ That's what he wants to yell out, but he holds in the oncoming frustration because he only needs one bottle, right? It's just grab and go, and then, he won't have to worry about it for a while. What are the chances of them even getting through an entire bottle that quickly? He and Makoto barely ever see one another, and he doesn't look like he'd be into doing it that much. Of course, he also didn't think Makoto would ever be the kind of person to ask to do it in the first place, so maybe he's totally wrong on that account. What does he know? He finds out something new about the guy every time they're together. It's exciting but also unnerving at times. 

"Just pick one. I don't care which one." 

"I'm not the one using it, Rin. _You_ pick." 

" _Fine_."

He grabs one that looks plain and like it wouldn't stand out that much in his room, not that he plans on keeping it out on the open. The last thing he needs is Momo swiping it and thinking it's hand soap or anything like that. 

"Now, grab whatever else you need. I'll be outside." 

Oh, he's not escaping that easily. Rin latches onto Sousuke's arm before he can move, glaring. 

"You brought me here, so you're staying until I leave." 

Sousuke looks like he was expecting that response, and he motions to the wall of condoms impatiently. 

"Then pick one so we can leave. And maybe you should think about other things if you're going to practice." 

Rin's eyes widen as he stares at Sousuke incredulously, wondering if he really just suggested buying toys. It's even weirder when he himself considers it for a half-second just to get used to the idea, but he immediately punts that thought from his head. If there's a risk of Momo even finding his lubricant, there's an even greater risk of him finding… other things. He's not going down that road nor does he want to try and stick anything plastic inside of himself, so he immediately beelines to the condoms to pick out something. _Anything._ Makoto's a MAXX, isn't he? What about himself? He's probably going to want to do it, too, except he hasn't really measured that part of his body before. Is there a fitting room for these kind of things? Maybe he should just buy a multi-pack and try them all in private. 

"What's the problem now?" Sousuke's voice cuts in. 

"Nothing," Rin says quickly, unwilling to make it obvious he's having an existential size crisis over condoms. Multi-pack it is. 

He grabs it and takes it to the shop keeper before dropping it in front of him. The old man looks amused as he rings everything up, and he gives Rin a stamp card. 

"After ten stamps, you get half-off discount on one of our toys," he explains, and Rin has half a mind to burn it then burn the remains so no one even knows he was ever inside of this place. 

"Thanks," he mutters instead, glancing away and feeling a little nauseated. 

"You two make a cute couple. You shouldn't fight so often. Well, young folks are like that nowadays. It keeps the chemistry strong" 

The old man laughs to himself, and Rin isn't even sure how to react to the implication that he and Sousuke are dating. Well, he guesses he can sort of see it, considering how much time they spend together and the fact that they are shopping for sex supplies together.

He opens his mouth to correct him, but Sousuke just reaches around to grab the bag, picking it up quickly off the counter for him and heading towards the door.

"Let's go." 

Those words snap him out of it quickly, and he forces his feet to follow while avoiding making eye contact with anything in the shop. It's almost like he's expecting to be infected with some kind of weirdness the longer he stays in there. He doesn't even know what 90% of that stuff is used for nor does he want to. At least, Sousuke hadn't suggested buying any tapes or magazines, but he probably senses that Rin isn't really the type of person to go for any of that. Even if most guys keep all sorts of dirty things under their mattress (even Ai, of all people… ), he's never found anything particularly interesting about looking at strangers do it because he's always needed an emotional connection to get that excited about a person. It's meaningless if there isn't any passion involved.

When they reach the train station, Sousuke finally hands the bag back to him while saying nothing else. They're both out of words by now anyway, but Rin still finds it in himself to smile after a while.

"Thanks, Sousuke." 

Sousuke looks surprised by it, and he glances down at him before shrugging nonchalantly. 

"Just take care of yourself." 

There's a quiet warmth to those words that remind Rin that he owes him a lot more than words. He wishes he could do something in return, but he always gets stuck trying to express to him how much his friendship has always meant to him. If his feelings don't come out explosively, they never come out at all, but he does want to show him one day.

 

**IV.**

There's one more week left until his next date with Makoto, and Rin hasn't actually revisited anything he bought or read in preparation. In fact, he had pretty much shoved the items inside a drawer and had forgotten about them, pouring his frustration out in swimming, instead. He could feel Sousuke's eyes on him the whole time because he'd been getting sloppy and screwing up his times, and he knew even the other guys on the team were starting to notice. 

It wouldn't have pissed him off so much if he wasn't subjected to locker room talk, and Nakagawa spending half an hour describing his venture into the space beneath his girlfriend's bra and her skin over the weekend. Most of the team had been gathered around for story time while he went into avid detail about a lot of things. Mostly things Rin tried to ignore because, if he's honest with himself, he's not particularly interested in what girls have under their clothes. Maybe it's the fact that he had lived with only his little sister and his mother for a good chunk of his childhood and had been subjected to all the horrors and mysteries of a woman's biological processes. It gave him a different perspective on them in general. Also probably why he escaped to an all boy's boarding school in the end… 

However, the actual content of his story wasn't the most troubling part. It's the fact that he'd been boasting about successfully getting laid and reminding Rin that he's still kind of a failure in that respect. The whole ordeal had ended with him slamming his locker shut and barking at the guys to run some extra laps. One guy had the nerve to mutter something about 'Captain's probably not getting any lately' in response to his outburst, and Rin had only calmed down when Sousuke's hand fell on his shoulder to stop him from further losing his temper. 

In retrospect, it was pretty ridiculous to blow up over something like that. He's just never been good at failing, and he thought he was getting to a place where he could accept it, shrug it off, and try again. However, that seems to be only applying to swimming as of late. When it comes to losing at …sex, he sort of gets into knots because he hates having self-doubts. He likes Makoto a lot, and he wants things to be perfect between them so badly that he feels like he might still invariably screw it all up by putting so much pressure on the act. It's just sex. Everyone does it. There wouldn't be tons of people on the planet if that wasn't true.

He finds himself lying on his bed later still thinking about it anyway and grabbing the pillow beneath himself before smothering it over his head. Thankfully, Sousuke's out for the time being, leaving the place to himself so he could groan to his heart's content, though he figures he should maybe try and practice or something. He hasn't really figure out how the lubricant is supposed to make everything better, but it's not like he hasn't gotten himself off before. Even before that night, he and Makoto had done pretty well without any penetration, mostly because that guy has amazing hands and makes some of the prettiest faces when he's deeply concentrating on something. Rin likes it when that something is himself, but he'd feel like a selfish idiot if he demanded that much of his attention all the time. He's also sort of wondered what it would feel like to use their mouths on each other, but he hasn't had the nerve to ask, mostly because it involves touching their mouths to each other's dicks. He gets the feeling that Makoto wouldn't take too well to him having his sharp teeth all over such a sensitive area, and Rin doesn't want to damage anything important down there himself, so he's avoided the topic.

Still, he can't help think about all the things they're missing out on simply because he's kind of …shy about it. It's easy to play it cool when it comes to something like swimming since he knows the sport inside and out. When it comes to something that gives him this much uncertainty, then his worst fear is that he'll end up fumbling through it and messing up. Then Makoto might decide he'd rather do it with someone who understands him and his body on a deeper level - _who fits well with him_ \- when Rin wants to be that person so badly. 

It all culminates into a mess of thoughts in his head, and he hates it when he gets this wound up. His body's too tense, and he knows that that's where the problems all stem from. If he can't relax, he can't feel any pleasure let alone give any in return. His muscles become unreceptive, and he ends up trying too hard to anticipate and control his own reactions. It's like attempting to float in water. If his muscles are locked up, he won't be able to achieve the right amount of buoyancy and water resistance. He'll sink fast. Like Rei-levels of fast. 

He lets out a deep breath after a moment wondering if Makoto is somewhere at home right now, think about the same thing. He can only imagine with his capacity to worry about everything, that he's even more distressed about this. He probably has to cover it up better, though. He has a team and two siblings to worry about, but Rin would rather think of Makoto smiling down at him right now.

That's enough to make Rin feel more resolute about getting himself up and over this hurdle, and he rifles through his bottom drawer for a moment to find the bag he'd stuffed in there a few days ago. Thankfully, it hasn't been touched, which is a relief, considering how much of his stuff his underclassmen like to borrow whenever they feel it necessary. Then again, Sousuke's presence is like having a doberman parked near the door. His gaze is menacing enough to discourage anyone from entering, something he's endlessly grateful for because it has stopped the number of awkward intrusions that have been occurring as of late. 

The box of condoms are temporarily set back in the drawer, and Rin stares hard at the lubricant, trying to figure out what he's exactly supposed to do with it. Aside from the obvious. The scent isn't all that bad. Something generic and …lube-y. He supposes. He didn't want anything heavily scented, considering where it's going. The last thing he needs is to explain to anyone why those parts of his body smell like a tropical drink. . 

A couple of drops are poured out into his palm, and he takes his time to feel the texture and rub it between his fingers. It is a lot more slippery than the joint cream he used, which he supposes is the point of using it in the first place over everyday household products. It's obviously designed for the intended purpose, but Rin still has reservations about whether or not it'll do the trick. 

He adds some more to his palm and swirls it around with one finger, watching the lubricant spread over his skin and coat it in a gentle sheen. Aside from getting used to the texture, he can't really see any downsides to it. He's already suffered worse, and he feels like it's self-explanatory that he'll somehow have to coat his insides in this. Does that mean just squeezing the bottle into himself or does he have to spread it around with his fingers? Maybe he should have spent way more time reading about this, but he'd started to get anxious earlier about all the questionable sites showing up on his search history. That pretty much bars him from ever lending his laptop out to anyone again. Makoto better appreciate this, even if it's not a _terrible_ hassle if he's honest with himself. 

His finger idly draws a happy face out of lube on his own palm before he hears the door swing open too abruptly for him to suspect that Sousuke is back. 

"Rin-senpai!!" 

Nope, definitely not Sousuke. Rin has about a half-second to cram the bottle of lubricant under his pillow while turning over on his stomach to cover said pillow under the upper half of his body like he's trying to shield the building from a bomb. 

"Don't just barge in without knocking!!" Rin yells to an overly oblivious Momo as he unceremoniously bounds into his room and throws himself on the bed next to Rin.

So it's going to be one of _those_ visits. Rin doesn't have enough exasperated sighs in the world for this, but Momo is already making himself comfortable as he tries to glance over Rin's shoulder to see what he's doing. He doesn't even want to know what his underclassmen must suspect from his precarious position and the fact that Rin's face must be changing colors in the light of this unfortunate interruption. 

"Eh? You weren't doing anything important, were you? Were you sleeping?? I just came by to show you the new upgraded goggles that my brother got me for doing so well at the last competition. Look-look!! Aren't they cool?" 

Instead of just showing him like a normal person, he plucks them out from his pocket and snaps them around his own head before making backstroke motions. 

"I'm gonna be so much faster with these on! You just wait, senpai!! Next practice, I'll show you how good they work underwater." 

Rin would be more enthusiastic about this, but he's trying to find a way to extract his hand from beneath the pillow without it looking weird. Maybe Momo's too distracted by his own enthusiasm to pay much attention to him, so it'd be easy to just pull it out and sit up then continue the conversation as normal. Nothing weird going on. He's just moving his hand a little here. 

Unfortunately, Momo latches onto the subtle movement like a hawk, making Rin wonder why he can't ever bring that laser-focus to practice. 

"Ooh, what do you have under there? Is it something private?" 

Momo's face turns bright red, but that doesn't seem to deter him from looking like he's going to pounce on the pillow any second. Rin manages to stop him with his other hand, shoving it up against his chest before he can move and keeping him at a safe distance from the lubricant. 

"It's nothing." 

"If it it's nothing, then how come I can't look at it?" 

A valid question, but not one Rin plans on answering. 

"Because I said so." 

"Oh! Oh!" Momo's eyes are as wide as saucers by now before he leans in closely and whispers, "is it a dirty book like Nitori-senpai's? You know, sometimes when he's out of the room, I-"

Rin doesn't let him finish that statement. He doesn't want to know. _He doesn't want to know._ The hand that was on Momo's chest shifts to clamp around Momo's mouth while he glares.

"It's not a dirty book!" 

Momo moves enough to free his mouth and continue to wail- "Then how come I can't see!!! Come on! Is it a picture of Gou-san?"

"Why would I keep a picture of her under my pillow?!" 

Now, Rin just looks scandalized, but it's enough for Momo to slip in and dive, his fingers clutching what Rin is holding before tugging it out. Rin's face is changing colors again, though he's pretty sure it's caught somewhere in between shades of nausea and embarrassment at this point. This is not something he wants to discuss or explain to his innocent(?) underclassmen, so he's banking on the slightest hope that Momo has no idea what he's looking at. The words on the front are in English, so he's also banking on the fact that Momo doesn't know enough to get him through what might be a painful and awkward conversation otherwise. 

"What is it? What is it?" Momo asks, looking like he might as well sprout a tail from his backside and have it wagging excitedly. 

"I already told you 'it's nothing.' Don't you listen?" 

"If it's nothing, then how come you're so embarrassed?" 

Another valid question. He's starting to hate the fact that Momo can somehow logic things out better than Ai in spite of being several IQ points lower. 

"Because it's …foreign face cream." 

Rin almost manages to sound convincing while his eyes dart away, unwilling to fold beneath Momo's intense scrutiny. He really wishes someone had taught the kid a more effective lesson on personal space because this bunk is way too small for the two of them, and he'd rather not have Momo's fish-soaked breath on his face at the moment when he's trying to cleverly disguise the real purpose of the bottle in his hand. 

"Really? No wonder your face is always so clear and smooth. I always get pimples under my chin right here-" Momo lifts his face to show him the recent 'growth' there, and Rin feels his stomach turn unpleasantly. If he was in any sort of 'mood' earlier, he's pretty sure that moment right there just axe-murdered it to death. Actually, he can pinpoint the time of death all the way back to when Momo first barged in. 

"Yes, it's my secret, but I don't have that much, so don't go telling everyone about it. Then they'll all be asking me to borrow it. Understand?" The implications here is that Momo really shouldn't ask him to borrow it or try putting it on his face lest he break out in a rash or something weird. Rin doesn't actually know if there are any potential side effects to putting something meant for your ass on your face, but he's unwilling to use anyone as a guinea pig to find out. 

Momo finally nods before sitting back on his legs and saluting him like a cadet. The sight would be cuter if Rin didn't have the image of his pimple now seared into his brain. _Mikoshiba, what sort of weird things are you teaching your brother…_

"You can trust me! I won't tell a soul, and I won't sneak in to take it! Promise!" 

Somehow, even with that promise, Rin really doubts it. 

"Can I just have a bit to try? I won't bother you about it anymore! Maybe I can get the name and order it online or-or-!"

"No!" Rin replies abruptly, and he's shoving the tube back under his pillow while preemptively deflecting Momo's charge by bracing his arm in front of his chest. 

Momo predictably smacks right into it while trying to get his hands under the pillow. "Come on! Don't you want to help me with my face, so I can win Gou-san over with my natural charms and beauty!!?" 

That's the last thing Momo can ever say to convince him to do anything, and Rin's now even more determined to toss him out of his room. His hand abruptly releases the tube, and he grabs Momo with both sets of fingers, hauling him off his bed forcibly and dragging him towards the door. This conversation has been drawn out long enough, and his thoughts are going down a mildly homicidal path. The best course of action is to abort it completely and kick Momo out. 

"I said no! Now, go do your homework or something. Don't bother me unless it's important." 

The second Momo is out in the hall is the moment Rin slams the door in his face and locks the door as loudly and poignantly as possible. Whatever aspirations he had for the afternoon had been dashed, and Rin resolves to hide everything in a far more strategic spot while he can. So much for actually practicing and getting used to …things. Not that Rin had really talked himself into it, and he already gets the impending feeling that his next date with Makoto is going to be another disaster at this rate. 

 

**V.**

"Why is he camping outside of the door?" 

It's evening by the time Sousuke returns, and Momo is trying to valiantly squeeze into the room behind Sousuke as he enters. By then, Rin has safely hidden everything and has his nose buried in one of his textbooks, attempting to study. It's a good and unquestionable place to be, but Momo doesn't seem to know how to surrender. 

"I told him to get lost hours ago," Rin fires back, closing the textbook. 

"Is he lending you his super expensive foreign face cream?" Momo cuts in abruptly, showing absolutely no regard for the existence of anything else except the pimple on his chin, "how come you're giving it to Yamazaki-senpai and not me!?" 

"Face cream?" Sousuke repeats, giving Rin _a look._

At least, that look implies that Rin doesn't actually have to explain what the face cream is. Only why Momo now knows about it. 

"I'm not lending it to Sousuke, either! Will you drop it and let me study?" 

Rin's hand surges outward before the rest of his body moves off the chair, and it connects with Momo's face, pushing him back out into the hall so he can close the door and lock it once more. With any luck, Momo will get tired or hungry and finally leave them alone. 

"Don't tell me you left it out…" 

"Not on purpose. I was trying it out," Rin mutters, tilting his head forward to hide his face a little as he sits on the edge of the bed. 

Sousuke, as usual, has the nerve to be amused at his plight.

"I did warn you." 

"I didn't know he was going to barge in the exact second I decided to open the cap! Anyway, can we just move on and talk about something else?" 

He's suffered enough embarrassment for the day, and he doesn't need Sousuke adding to that. He's still worried about this date and having trouble concentrating elsewhere, and he knows everyone will be on his back if his times start to slip even more, especially Sousuke. He doesn't need that added pressure, but he's wondering how every other couple deals with stuff like this. Then again, he doesn't really know of any other couples at the moment nor would he want to bother asking them. 

The bed dips next to him, and Sousuke actively shakes his head at him, clearly not impressed by his constant need to shovel this issue somewhere especially when Rin's usually the best at direct confrontation. Rin's not any more impressed with himself, but it's not like he's found a way to break passed the barrier of his own anxiousness just yet. 

"You don't have to go through with it. Just have a normal date and save it for when it feels right."

"That's easy for you to say," Rin mutters. 

The fact that _Makoto_ of all people asked him to do it is still weighing heavily in his thoughts. How many times had he waited for him to speak his own desires honestly and fearlessly? He's not a guy who's ever that open about what he wants and likes to bottle it up inside and go along with everyone else. Rin is also selfish enough to sweep him up in his own whims without stopping long enough to consider Makoto's feelings. 

He regrets that he can be that way sometimes and that Makoto is so kind in response. He likes it more when he stands up to him, when he hits him full force with the impact of his words just like when he'd gotten upset at him for how he had treated Haru back at prefecturals last year. He never would have imagined that Makoto would speak to him that way and cut through him so sharply, leaving a huge gaping wound in his wake, and Rin thinks he might have first fallen for him a little back then. 

When he replays that moment in his head, all he can concede to himself is that he wants to give him something powerful and meaningful to match the intensity of those words that pulled him from his own exile. He owes him that same passion. 

"Think on it a little more." 

Sousuke's words are quiet, but the hand that squeezes his shoulder after is firm and poignant. Rin wants to cradle some of that self-assurance for later, but for now, he breathes out and nods.

 

 **VI.**

The dorm is all Rin's by the weekend except Rin's about as excited for the prospect as someone would be for a root canal. The dread sinks to the bottom of his stomach and sits there like a brick, weighing him down heavily and making him try and focus on anything but the impending scenario that's being played out in his head. Makoto doesn't look any more excited than he himself is at the moment, sitting next to him on the edge of his bed and leaning forward so that his elbows rest on his knees. His eyes are fixed on the wall while he tries to attempt some polite conversation.

"Do you have any upcoming exams this week?" 

Rin shrugs and rests a hand on the back of his own neck as his head tips forward. His hair is a curtain around his face, and he wants to groan at the degree of pathetic they've both just reached. Dates shouldn't be this horribly bland, but the other alternative is addressing the giant lube-coated elephant in the room. 

"A couple…" 

"I'm sure you'll do well. You always manage to get in the top ten." 

"Ah, thanks." 

And that's how that conversation ends, leaving the whirling of the air conditioner sounding louder than normal in the backdrop. Makoto won't stop plucking at a stray string on his sweater, and Rin tries to silently will Momo to come and interrupt for the sake of putting an end to this awkward moment. Unfortunately, Momo is away at his own family's place this weekend, too, which means there is no escape. He's going to have to face things eventually, and he's only stalling at this rate. 

With a sigh, he turns to Makoto at last and puts a hand on Makoto's shoulder to force him to meet his own gaze. 

"This is stup-" he begins, and Makoto kisses him without warning, fingers gripping chunks of his hair and pulling harshly so that Rin can't escape. His tongue immediately takes advantage of Rin's surprise to slither its way inside and spread out invasively on top of his, the texture of it rubbing firmly across his in a way that makes his head dangerously cloudy. 

It's hard to pull back when Makoto's fingers climb lower, the tips digging into his neck with his thumbs stretched out across his cheeks and pushing against his skin while he continues to rub his tongue over his. The motion of it is desperate and insistent, drawing line after line across it to slowly unravel the tension from Rin's stomach and replace it with mind-numbing heat. He can feel something intangible and powerful unfurling between his legs as well, spreading itself savagely along his thighs until he's groaning and wondering what the hell is up with Makoto at this point. 

First, he'd barely said anything when he got here and just fidgeted, and now, he's trying to crawl inside his body through his mouth. If he had better control himself, he'd push him away and demand answers. Unfortunately, the haze that had started to overtake his mind a few seconds ago is only getting thicker, and he's feeling his back recline little by little until he's giving away under the weight of Makoto's hands, which have closed around his shoulders at this point to push him down against the mattress.

When he finally pulls away from his lips, Rin can swear the ceiling has started spinning maniacally, and he's staring up at Makoto's too bright eyes, watching the way the light hits the green of them, reminding him of a radioactive glow. It's eerie but enthralling at the same time, and he forgets how to breathe while he watches Makoto's gentle smile, reserved for only him at the moment. 

"Sorry, I wanted to do that since I came to your room. Are you upset?" 

Rin shakes his head dumbly. He's far from it, and he'd tell him as much if his tongue hadn't just been wrestled to submission. Leave it to Makoto to take a guy by surprise like that, but he's finding this side of him more and more attractive by the second. 

"It's fine. You can-," he pauses as his voice breaks a little, and he turns his head to the side to press the back of his hand against his lips, feeling instantly embarrassed, "you can do it again, if you want." 

He almost thinks Makoto will actually follow through, but instead, Makoto's lips land on his forehead before brushing across the tip of nose. A third kiss lands on his chin, and Rin stares up at him a little clueless, still trying to figure out what got into the guy and why he's turned up the level of affection this time. Is he feeling guilty about their last date? Sure, it had hurt a little after, but he'd gotten over it. He's obviously fine -physically, at least. 

When Makoto leans in to kiss him again, Rin halts him by twisting his head this time and gently pushing his palm on Makoto's face to force him back. It'd be too distracting if he tries to have a conversation with Makoto on top of him, so this is just a safety measure at this point. 

"Okay, that's enough. This was nice, at first, but now, you're acting weird. What's wrong with you?" 

Whatever Makoto tries to say ends up being a mumbled mush of words, and Rin realizes he should probably stop squishing his face in with his palm. He removes it quickly and mutters an apology.

"It's fine," Makoto replies before sitting up a little more fully again, "I was just thinking… that I hurt you pretty badly last time. I couldn't figure out what I did wrong, so I tried to do some reading about …things. It wasn't easy on my computer at home, especially with Ran and Ren peaking over my shoulders all the time. I had to open up a bunch of tabs and pretend I was doing research for homework. It was really embarrassing." 

He scratches his cheek awkwardly, and Rin can see his ears start to turn red little by little. He really does feel for the guy. He has it way worse than him dealing with a few nosy underclassmen. 

"What'd you find out?" Rin asks curiously and wonders how this relates to his earlier technique of melting his brain with his mouth. 

"I think… that last time I just didn't spend enough time getting you to relax, first. I got a little ahead of myself. I'm sorry, Rin." 

Oh. So that was foreplay? Or at least an attempt at it. Rin could have used a forewarning of some sort, but spontaneity is never a bad thing. He'd find it easier to get swept up in it if he wasn't busy worrying about what's to come. 

"Geez, stop apologizing already. I didn't mind it." 

He shrugs with his own admission, trying to act like it's not a big deal, though his frantic pulse would say otherwise. 

Makoto's instantly back to fidgeting in spite of the positive review, and Rin looks worried as his boyfriend's brows furrow a bit as though he's trying to solve all sorts of equations in his head. He then lets his gaze sidle in Rin's direction while asking in a gentle voice, "Do you want to try again? You don't have to if you're not ready. It's fine if you just want to talk or do other things." 

Even if that's what Makoto says, it's not what Makoto wants. Rin can already tell. A guy doesn't kiss another like that without their being some kind of underlying need lurking behind it, and he remembers that Makoto lives with his family and probably doesn't get that much relief very often. Not to mention he's under a lot of pressure as captain of Iwatobi's swim team and with the end of their final year looming behind them. Having to decide where to go and what to do with his life must have him immeasurably freaked out, and Rin feels bad that he can only take his mind off of the stress temporarily but can't ultimately make any decisions for him. That's all up to Makoto, though he had suggested that he could get scouted if he wanted to. However, he can see that that thought hadn't even factored into whatever Makoto was trying to choose for himself, meaning he's probably harboring no interests in going pro with him.

Maybe that also explains Makoto's urgency at the moment to be with him and to have him. It could be that in Makoto's mind, this time between them is temporary and ephemeral. Why not take what he can from it while he can? 

_Except._

Except Rin doesn't think the same way. He doesn't believe that they'll all march onwards and forget one another. He doesn't plan on sailing off on his dreams and dropping Makoto like they'd never meant a single thing to one another. He's already screwed up so many things in his short life and had wasted so many years of his life trapped in all the terrible mistakes he'd made. He doesn't want to mess this up and leave behind one of the people who'd given him a reason to swim once more. 

He refuses to leave behind Makoto, and even if they end up in different parts of the country, he won't break off contact with him. That's something he wants to promise to him, but he'll wait until the time comes and until they've both decided what they want to do with their lives. For now, he wants to give Makoto a beautiful, long-lasting memory.

His head shakes from side to side before he reaches under his mattress where he'd stashed the condoms and lubricant earlier to keep them hidden from his underclassmen. He empties out the bag in front of Makoto, feeling his own face grow warm at Makoto's surprised expression. 

"I want to do it." 

Makoto doesn't respond to his words at first, his hands still wandering over the condoms and opening the box to blink at all the tightly wrapped package. "Why'd you get this many, Rin?? Do you think we'd be able to use that much?" 

… Really? That's the thing he's focusing on at the moment? 

"It's not all for one night," Rin says defensively, "I just thought it'd be good to be prepared, and I didn't know what size I should try. You liked that 'MAXX' one you used last time, didn't you?" 

"Ah… it was okay," Makoto replies quickly, though he's poking at the lubricant now and flipping the cap open so he can smell it. "I don't think that I'm that big, though. I mean-! I just thought-" 

Rin wants to tell him his own ass would beg to differ, but he's trying hard not to focus expressly on that part. Maybe he really should convince him to let him do it to him first, but he has a feeling still that that won't go quite as smoothly as him being on the receiving end. 

"There are enough inside to try out a couple if you want." 

Rin's eyes go wide when his own statement is immediately followed by Makoto _actually_ curiously tearing open one of the packages to stare at it. It's definitely not something he was expecting to witness, especially when Makoto is very carefully unrolling the condom and sticking his fingers inside to try and stretch it out. 

"What are you doing now? That's not a toy." 

"I didn't really get to touch the one I had before since I was saving it, but this one feels a lot nicer. It's really high-quality." 

Leave it to Makoto to be comically excited about condoms. Rin wants to shrink away the more he stretches and tests it out, though he instantly regrets not doing just that when Makoto accidentally lets the condom snap and fly from his fingers, hitting Rin in the forehead. His face screws up into a scowl, and he rubs the spot before confiscating the box from Makoto.

"No more playing with the condoms!" 

"Sorry, Rin! I didn't mean to let it go like that!!" 

His dignity just died a thousand deaths at the moment. How are they ever going to get to the part where they actually need to wear these if they keep acting like a bunch of primates discovering how to use sticks for the first time? 

"Forget it," Rin mutters before clutching Makoto by the elbow and tugging him over his body. He's not exactly sure where to go from here, trying to map out some way to get from kissing all the way to the home stretch, but his mind just wants to stuff more dangerous hurdles in between. Fundamentally, he knows it shouldn't be this way, and that the intimacy factor is severely lacking at the moment -so is his drive-, but he's hoping Makoto just being there on top of him and looking at him with his soft, down-turned eyes will awaken both.

"I told you, Rin, you don't have to do this if you're not feeling up to it." 

Leave it to Makoto to also start using his powers of intuition on him, or maybe, he's just being blatantly obvious about his own misgivings at the moment. Either way, he doesn't want to give up completely, either. He hates the thought of surrendering to fear more than the thought of having anything shoved up his backside at the moment, so he shakes his head stubbornly. 

"I'm up to it. I just need to get into it. Give me a second." 

His breath sounds loud when it leaves his nose, and he stares up at Makoto while his fingers draw through his light hair, pushing through the short strands and forcing himself to relax this time. It's not about the pain or the physical parts. It's all about this boy hovering over him and the way he looks at him when the curtains are drawn shut and it's just the two of them. The warmth behind that gaze is something he'd have thought Makoto would have only ever shown Haru, but it's always been extended outwards to him, enveloping him messily each time they meet up like this. It's because of the depth of what Makoto feels for him and what he's starting to feel for him in return that he wants to give himself every part of him and to take the same. They might never share the same dream on the surface, but if Makoto's dream is to be together with him outside of swimming, he won't give up. _He won't._

His palms both slip down the curve of Makoto's cheek before suddenly tugging his face down to his mouth, though there is nothing heated in his kiss this time. It's a simple touch of his mouth to Makoto's, soft and non-intrusive while their skin brushes together lazily, feeling along the gentle texture of each other's flesh. When Makoto's lips part a little, he can feel the soft tickle of his breath stretching its way into his mouth until he can taste it on his tongue as his own lips fall open just to suck it in.

"Rin," Makoto whispers, and Rin's fingers tighten a little around his cheeks, waiting for the rest of what Makoto has to say. It never comes because Makoto's lips squish against his with the suddenness of a thunder clap, and it's then that Rin notes that Makoto has a habit of acting the way he does in the bedroom as he does when he swims. 

Instead of paying attention to things like the other swimmers around him or his own pace and control, he dives in blindly and unleashes all the unmeasured power in his body without attempting to harness it properly. He's certainly improved on this since they swam together as kids, but that fear-driven force is still underlying everything and making him push forward without a single care in the world while Rin braces himself against the impact, his muscles seizing up when Makoto's tongue pries his lips apart roughly. 

It's suddenly too hot everywhere at once, feeling his body pinned down while Makoto's hands twist into his hair and while his hips push down on his own like they're ready to crush him. It's hard to breathe when he's feeling trapped, and his own hands clutch the sleeves of Makoto's shirt, squeezing the fabric snuggly between his fingers as though he can somehow wrestle back control this way, but it's difficult when Makoto becomes urgent and when his tongue licks beneath his while his hips jerk forwards, waking his own up. 

And just like the last time they'd done this, his mind spirals too fast into arousal, always easily captivated by the kind of person Makoto is when the gentle smiles fall off his face and when he's nothing else but lean force crashing into him like the most violent of tidal waves. He starts to abandon logic and becomes erratic himself, legs pushing a little desperately into the bed to draw himself as close as he can to him until he's feeling the outline of Makoto's growing arousal sliding against his, forcing out every little agonized shudder from his body as the pressure gathers quickly between his legs.

It's a little overwhelming how fast everything else starts to devolve from there, utterly subjected to the rush of blood that leaves him light-headed and the concentration of searing heat that pools and overflows along the center of his body until he's scraping at Makoto's biceps and letting his fingers scrabble up to Makoto's back to push against the muscles there for leverage. His legs rise at the same time, shifting so he can hike them up around Makoto's body and use his strength to hoist them close.

At least, this dance is as familiar as the dozens of other times they've done this on his bed, hidden beneath the covers while exchanging wet, noisy kisses. It's easy to become intoxicated when it's just the two of them like this, acting on sheer impulse and shutting out the world, grinding through the layers of clothes while feeling starved for the heat of each other's flesh and the closeness that they can't achieve through the fabric. It fills the top layer of Rin's skin with beads of sweat, slipping down his his neck as Makoto wriggles a hand under his body to press into his lower back just so he can force his lower body higher and make his back arch at an awkward angle, but Rin doesn't protest because he can feel how hard Makoto is through his pants and how much he wants to thrust against him. 

The simulated act is enough to make his pulse shudder unrestrained under his skin, and Rin gasps softly at the ferocity with which he moves, hearing the bed creak a little in protest as Makoto continues to slide heatedly in between his legs. His own body is starting to feel a little over-stimulated with the heavy puffs of air echoing in the room and the tiniest moans that are ripped out of the back of Makoto's throat when he starts to get too close to bursting. The sheer weight of Makoto's body still driving into him is more than Rin can continue to bear as well, and he has just enough control left in him to start feeling around the bed for the bottle of lube. As much as he hates to stop what they're doing, they're both going to end up cutting things short if they keep at this for too long because it always feels too incredibly good just to hold him and just to drown in every little frenzied sound that Makoto isn't aware he makes.

He manages to find the lube in record time, and he tries to angle his hips away in spite of his body's numerous protests at the action. "Here," he breathes out while trying to swallow down air as quickly as possible, and Makoto looks too disoriented at the moment to understand what he's supposed to do with it. 

"You want to-" 

"Wasn't that the whole point?!" Rin hisses as he unhooks his legs from his body to unbutton his jeans. Makoto's hands immediately cover Rin's to slow him down, and he gives him a look that makes Rin's gut clench with guilt for some reason. 

"The whole point was to make you feel good not to … you know. It does't matter when and if we-…"

"- _do it_ ," Rin finishes before narrowing his eyes and suddenly rolling them over. His hands grip the bottom of his own shirt, and he tugs it off over his head and flings it away carelessly. Right now, Makoto's words aren't what he wants to hear, not when his own determination is hitting critical levels and when he can feel Makoto wanting to back out from fear or hesitation like he always does, never wanting to be too imposing or too greedy and selfish. 

He hasn't realized yet that Rin is as turned on by his aggressiveness as he is by his sweetness, and he doesn't want to let their mutual fears stop them from enjoying this the rest of their life. It's why he's quick to hold him down when he starts to move and protest, fingers lacing between Makoto's to hold them by his head as he silences him with a harsh kiss. The words die in between their mouths, cut to pieces by his teeth as they close around Makoto's bottom lip and start to pull. He pinches and pricks then lets it go with a hard snap before pushing his body away enough that he can wriggling out of his own jeans and let them fall to the floor. 

He then redirects Makoto's hands to his own hips and stuffs the tips of his fingers down his own underwear, inviting him to keep going and to trust him because he can tell by the look in Makoto's eyes that there's something being restrained for Rin's sake, and Rin's tired of people doing things for his sake. If it isn't Sousuke busting his shoulder, it's Makoto biting his tongue or keeping his hands stiffly by his side when he wants to touch him. 

" _Don't stop_ ," Rin orders more sharply than he means to, and Makoto audibly swallows before nodding and gripping the bottle by his head rather clumsily. 

His hands are shaking a little as he squeezes some onto his fingers, and he tries to avoid looking at Rin's eyes as he lowers his underwear and attempts to poke around his backside, which goes as well as Rin had imagined. Is it really that hard to find? 

He sighs loudly and pushes himself up on his knees before redirecting Makoto's hand and helping him press a finger inside while trying desperately not to move away from the impending discomfort. 

"Just take it easy -like that," he continues to instruct while guiding Makoto's finger in and out of himself and trying not to feel incredibly weird about the whole thing. They'd gotten this far before, hadn't they? Though this time, he manages to move a little more smoothly, slipping through the ring of muscle with less resistance. 

"I-I think I got it," Makoto assures him. 

Makoto then pushes back against the bed railing to shift into a reclined position while Rin remains balanced on his knees and braces himself on his shoulder with one hand to keep steady. For a while, all he can focus on is the way Makoto's eyebrows knit together as he concentrates on slipping the one finger in. Occasionally, he pauses to add more lube, and Rin thinks he can get used to the sensation if they go this slow. Too bad Makoto is nowhere near as thin as a single finger, but he's managing to relax enough to pay close attention to the flood of expressions washing over Makoto's face the more he explores. 

"How is it?" he finally asks,"can I put another one in?" 

"Knock yourself out." 

Makoto nods and adds yet another dollop of lube to the tips of his fingers before pushing two in at once. It predictably hurts a little more, but Rin isn't hating it. He knows that website said it'd be better if he were on his back, but he actually finds himself more relaxed in an active position than a reclined one, which makes sense. He's an athlete so it's in his nature to be constantly moving rather than lying still, and he wonders if that's not what made it so difficult for him to get into it before. 

Makoto's fingers continue to slither their way in, curving a bit as they follow the natural shape of the muscles inside to find their way in deeper the more Rin unconsciously unclenches. All the stretching and rubbing even starts to feel like an interesting deep tissue massage as the warm pads of Makoto's fingers push against the walls inside, slipping across them and scissoring away to help him adapt to the sensation. They then curl slightly inward, pressing up against too many sensitive nerves in a way that makes Rin's body jolt forward from the sudden burst of pressure erupting from the simple contact. It catches Rin too off-guard for him to hide his response or to stop his hips from suddenly pushing back onto Makoto's finger, unconsciously seeking out the same stimulation. 

"Did I hurt you??" Makoto asks in a sudden panic, and he's about to withdraw his fingers when Rin's own hand darts back to keep him there. 

"No, I'm fine," he breathes out, "try doing it again." 

"Doing what again?" 

"The thing you did just now!" 

"Oh, you mean-" Makoto pauses to helpfully demonstrate, pressing his two fingers against the same spot and rubbing over it more firmly with just the tips. 

Rin's once more caught off-guard by the second impact of pleasure that forces a shudder out of his body as he grits his teeth and shifts his hand to grab the back of Makoto's head while the other digs into his shoulder blade. 

"Does it feel good?" 

_'Of course, it does!'_ he wants to yell out at him, but the part of his brain that controls his speech has all but short-circuited in the last half-second. Makoto seems to take his wheezing noises as a positive sign and continues to push up against his muscles and curl his fingers while adding a thrusting motion that Rin ends up finding equally euphoric and tortuous. His body keeps unconsciously chasing after Makoto's fingers in response, trying to forcefully thrust himself down so he can reach that mind-numbing angle and send the last of his thoughts into disarray. 

It's then that he notices the bulge in front of Makoto's pants looking painfully neglected, and he forces himself to stop trying to wriggle awkwardly over him so that he can gain a few brain cells back, at least long enough to remember what Makoto was even preparing him for. 

"That's enough," he croaks out pushing Makoto's hand away so that he can pluck his boyfriend's pants open as fast as his own hands would allow him to. 

Makoto's expression looks a little dazed while he watches him, and it takes him a while to realize where he's going with this. "Oh, let me-" he says quickly before he pulls the fabric of his underwear down under his own cock to free it, and Rin tries not to feel intimidated a second time while looking at it. Even if it had hurt the first time, it'll really be better this time. He's had more preparation, and he's also way more excited than he'd been before if the bubble of pure heat ensconced around the base of his spine is anything to go by.

Unfortunately, being more aroused means being more impatient, and he's fighting a losing battle against the condom wrapper as he tries to tear it open with his teeth. He ends up piercing his canines straight into the actual condom and making a frustrated sound. 

"I can do that, too!" Makoto helpfully volunteers, and he snags one from the pile to open with his less lethal teeth. Of course, that doesn't stop him from accidentally picking out one that's clearly a size too small to get around himself and looking agonized as it squeezes around his tip too hard.

At that point, they're both such a mess of dripping lubricant and broken condom wrappers that Rin just finally gives in and starts laughing. 

"Rin, I'm really trying here!! It's not going down!" 

He's sympathetic. He really is, but this couldn't have turned out worse if they tried. His body careens to the side while he keeps laughing and shaking his head. 

"Just take it easy, Makoto. I think we need a break." 

Those words seem to make Makoto's shoulders sink a bit, and he plucks the too small condom off before chuckling a little himself. "I guess we're really bad at this, huh? Even with all the research and preparation…" 

"Like I said before- it's like training. Of course, we're not going to get it perfect each time, but-" Rin pauses as he sits cross-legged in front of Makoto while he tries to mentally wade through the pile of embarrassment gathered around them, "if it's with you… I don't really care. It'll still be fine." 

That seems to boost Makoto's spirits, and Rin stretches out to lie down next to him a moment later, tugging Makoto with him on the bed while he buries his face against his shoulder. At least, with all the laughing out of their system, some of the pressure and frustration had dissolved, though Rin can't say he feels compelled to keep going at the moment. But it's completely all right this time. He gets that having overly high expectations of reality is impractical, but that doesn't mean he'll ever stop dreaming.

 

**VII.**

Between liberally dozing off and sharing light kisses between, sometime around 3:00 a.m., their bodies manage to gravitate towards one another again, entwined under the sheets with all their clothes completely abandoned on the ground. It's a hot evening, and it's easier to reach each other like this, though Rin can't stop spreading his fingers against Makoto's back muscles as they lie side by side.

His tongue lazily strokes across the roof of Makoto's mouth as he feels the way his skin shifts and contracts, mesmerized by the silent power that's always trapped underneath. Makoto's own fingers follow lower along his spine, pressing into the individual vertebrae and fitting them against the bones so he can stimulate the delicate nerve endings with his firm touch. Rin thinks he'll stop when he reaches the base of his spine, but his hands slip lower, moving along his gluteal muscles to massage the area in between. 

Rin doesn't expect the soft, sleep-laden voice next to his ear that politely asks him, "Can I?" 

If he had any reservations at all before, they vanish at Makoto's whisper, and his own fingers pause so he can grab the bottle of lube, which is now only half-full. Did they really use up that much before? He makes some mental note to tell Makoto he doesn't have to use _that_ much. On the other hand, better safe than sorry considering it's his ass on the line here, so to speak. 

"Here," he murmurs before pushing it into his palm, and he climbs up on top of Makoto again, straddling his hips so he can guide Makoto once more, though he finds the ring of muscle more easily this time and promises he'll be gentle.

That reassurance does ease the tension a little, and Rin's calmer when Makoto pushes his finger inside, moving his way in to massage him once more. There is something more hypnotic about the motions this time. Whether it's the fact that Makoto is more confident about doing it or he's less scared about the prospect he doesn't know, but he finds his body loosening fast under the onslaught, all the little insecurities and fears that restrained him before coming unbound and falling away completely until he is left free to watch the dance of curiosity and interest on Makoto's face.

His lips manage to find Makoto's under the dim lights, and he tastes them more carefully than before while tracing the different surfaces inside of his mouth. Makoto's breath is still minty from brushing his teeth earlier, a warm, overwhelming flavor that Rin scrapes off from his tongue with his own as he presses tighter to his body. He can feel himself being further ignited the more Makoto's fingers press inside, his middle finger managing better than most to push right up against that spot that makes his body jerk up and thrust forward into nothing. 

"You're getting way too good at that," Rin hisses before scrambling to push his fingers onto Makoto's cock in return, not about to let Makoto keep his advantage here in driving him crazy with his touch. 

It's what makes Rin so merciless at the moment as he spreads his fingers all across skin so sensitive that it twitches at first contact, and Makoto's voice breaks a little around whatever he meant to say in response. He doesn't manage words, only making a hoarse sound that echoes straight into Rin's own arousal. There's something too mesmerizing about the way Makoto moves when he's losing his tenuous grip on himself, the thrashing, wild state of his limbs that makes Rin feel as though he's watching a rag doll being pulled in different directions and ripped to pieces.

The most alluring part is always his face, green eyes peaking through shuttered lashes, the hints of them sliding through as Makoto's voice pries through the open space, a sound that's too soft and sweet yet violently intoxicating to his own body. It's hard not to get drunk on the feeling of being with him even if Rin fails at putting it into words. Whether it's bad or awkward or unsuccessful, he relishes this because he's with the most perfectly imperfect guy who doesn't understand his own appeal and his own strengths, but Rin is too blindsided by them to look away. 

At this moment, he feels it the strongest with the way Makoto bucks into his open palm just as his fingers thrust into Rin a little too hard, but the desired affect is achieved. Rin clenches around them as he feels a fresh surge of heat careen up his body, spreading out in every direction and licking wildly across his nerve endings until he reaches the point where he's too addled and too turned on to deny wanting him inside again. If he can do this much damage with just his fingers, his mind is already supplying images of how much better it'd be if he reach that same spot inside with his cock inside even if he already knows from experience that it was horribly uncomfortable. 

He pushes away those memories for now, focusing on the present and the silent pleas painted across Makoto's face as Rin reaches for one of the sealed condoms, making sure it's actually the right size this time. His teeth manage to only lacerate the enclosure to avoid breaking the condom before pulling it out. 

Both their fingers then collide in an effort to slide it on while their lips meet hurriedly in the middle, exchanging wet kisses as they unfurl the latex all along the length of Makoto's erection and making sure it's covered fully before Rin grabs the lubricant to try and spread it along the outside of the condom without making it too slippery. The last thing he needs is for it come off and end up stuck in his ass. That's not a conversation he wants to have with any medical professional ever. 

"A-are you okay?" Makoto asks hastily as he pushes himself to sit up a bit. He's stealing the bottle to add a little more lubricant to his fingers before swirling them around his opening, and Rin can tell he's just being extra _extra_ cautious at this point.

"I'm fine, and that was a full bottle earlier…," a full bottle that only has a few drops left in it now. _Seriously, Makoto…_ "I'm pretty sure we're not supposed to use this much." 

"I'll buy more," Makoto promises, his expression looking sheepish as he extracts his fingers, and Rin has a hard time staying annoyed, mostly because his body has turned into one giant throbbing nerve ending at this point, and he's rushing to move himself over Makoto's cock, positioning it right up against himself before exhaling too loudly and breaking the momentary stillness in his room. 

It's hard to make that first plunge, but he's nothing if not fearless when he wants to be. Besides, he's pretty sure he has enough lubricant in there to oil up all the doors in the entire dorm building, which makes him feel bold enough to push down, anticipating the burning stretch of muscle and waiting for his body to give out and relax to take more inside. 

The sheer slowness of his own descent must be driving Makoto crazy because he keeps feeling his whole body fidget and jerk awkwardly underneath him like he really wants to pound his way inside of him and is only holding on by the tiniest thread of sanity. Rin mentally begs him to hold on a little longer because he's doing his best not to let this hurt while his fingers are staining Makoto's upper back with bruises, driving into his flesh just as he wriggles his way on top of him.

It really is terribly uncomfortable no matter how hard he tries not to think too deeply about it, but Rin's braving on and forcing his muscles not to clench up while Makoto, helpful as always, reaches between his legs to idly stroke his cock with lube-stained fingers. His hand is obviously shaking at first, but he quickly turns those tentative strokes into a full-on pumping motion that distracts Rin enough to loosen his balance on his knees, sending his body slipping down a little too hard the rest of the way over his cock until Makoto's buried too blindingly far inside of him. 

If just having part of him inside had felt like he was being torn in half, this is way worse, and Rin squeezes his eyes shut and tucks his head in towards his chest to hide the fact that he really wants to crawl away at the moment. 

"Damn it, Makoto!" he curses out instead before biting his lower lip for a moment because he's a grown man now. He's not going to squeeze out tears in the middle of sex and send Makoto into panic. "Just hold on a sec! I'm trying here." 

"Are you sure? I'm really fine with stopping if it's too mu-!"

"No, you're not!" Rin snaps back, and he clenches around him to watch him react with a sharp jerk of his hips, emphasizing his own point. 

"It's just that you're squeezing too much!"

"And you keep pushing in when I tell you to hold still. Now, look at me-" Rin raises two fingers and points them to his own eyes to get Makoto to focus while Makoto swallows and nods, "-take a deep breath, and I'm going to start moving. Just follow my lead." 

Makoto nods again and does as told while Rin tries to force himself to relax enough so that he can bring himself to move once more while his hands remain braced tightly against Makoto's shoulders until he can figure out how to properly lift himself up like this and wriggle back down. The motion is entirely too slow at first, something that he knows is frustrating Makoto to his limit, but he's trying to adapt to the feeling of having his cock buried this far inside him while trying to find that one spot that felt so good before. He's definitely pressing near it with Makoto's tip, and Rin is sure he has enough flexibility to angle and move his body enough to stimulate himself against it. 

His hands change position as he maps it out in his mind, surprised he can even bother with some kind of strategy at the moment when he's mid-way through riding Makoto, but his tenacity can be relentless at times. Besides, he really wants to find a way to make it feel mind-blowing for the both of them. 

He parts his thighs a bit more to gain better leverage of his movements as his hands shift behind his own body to clutch Makoto's thighs and angle himself just a bit more, something that does wonders for the way the pressure inside him feels, and he latches onto his bottom lip with his teeth as he starts rocking himself like that, letting his muscles burn with the same high he gets while exercising. The sudden rush of endorphins from moving himself with that much energy collides with the increasing stimulation along his backside as he forces Makoto's cock to keep pressing against that one spot that's making his head spin without reprieve. He can feel his body start to surrender to something that feels more savage and natural to him, the exertion bleeding sweat out of his pores as his head falls back and as his muscles vibrate from the intensity of his movements. 

Makoto's fingers dig into his hips as he watches him with wide eyes, looking too fascinated at the moment like it's starting to click together in his head, too, and Rin encourages him to move with him even if he can't bring himself to produce any coherent words at the moment. All that's falling loose from his mouth is a series of choked breaths and little whispered-out encouragements as Makoto starts to hike his body up, pushing in deeper and following Rin's increasing rhythm. 

It doesn't take long for the surge of endorphins to reach the right limit where Rin doesn't even notice the pain anymore, instead sinking into the way Makoto's cock is furiously meeting his body, growing addicted to the tight shove of his hips upwards that pricks into him with a jolt of pleasure and spears its way straight through the center of his body, and Rin is captured by the way Makoto's mouth wants to form his name, lips feebly miming the words. Then Makoto's fingers reach for his cock again, palm pressing right up against the underside to cradle the weight of it before dragging all along it until Rin can't see straight. His own vision erupts into patterns and spots, and he's having trouble holding himself up as the sweat drips from his face and as he slams himself down relentlessly against Makoto's waiting cock, wondering how he was ever afraid of it in the first place.

Right now, it's the best thing on the planet, and he's showing his rampant appreciation by riding him with all the force and strength he can muster until he can feel his muscles protesting from how much he's pushing himself. Even then, he doesn't stop, teetering too close to the verge of release and trying to reach that mind-shattering point just as Makoto suddenly moves without warning. 

Rin opens his mouth to protest but finds it filled with Makoto's, who is muttering muffled apologies into his lips as he pins him to the bed roughly, pushes back Rin's bangs with one hand, and really starts to fuck him in earnest. It hurts a little again, but Rin's brain is rotting under the stretch of hyper-sensitive nerves rubbed raw by his own earlier actions. All he can do at this point is raise his hips up and try to keep up with Makoto now as Makoto picks up one of his legs, hand clutched around his thigh, and drives into him. 

His mind continues to spin and spin as his body seemingly snaps in half with the sharp angles he creates when he arches from the mattress, and he's tangling one set of fingers into the pillow under his head, squeezing the fabric mercilessly just to have something to hold onto as he waits for Makoto's body to crash into his own until he can't take it anymore. He hates to close his eyes on the sight of Makoto's strained face, too enamored by the angle at which his eyebrows meet in the center and the sheen of wetness spread across his bruised lips, but his own body tenses up too much for him to bear, seized by the furious contraction of flesh and tissue all over as his release is squeezed out of him.

Makoto continues to thrust into while he watches him intently, and Rin tries not to get embarrassed right after when he notices that Makoto's gaze hasn't moved at all in some time because even at this point, there's something strangely innocent and curious in that stare that makes Rin feel like he's the one being a little too dirty here. Never mind that Makoto was the one that shoved him down a few seconds ago, but he lets him finish himself off inside while absently tracing his own eyes along the way the blood vessels in Makoto's neck protrude from the strain of his body and the way his biceps move and shift the more they threaten to give out.

When Makoto finally comes, it's lost in a quiet rush of air that spills out loose from his throat and onto Rin's face, and he looks like a man on the verge of death and rebirth at the same time as his body trembles noticeably above him, but Makoto smiles drunkenly immediately after and just falls on Rin, crushing him into the mattress in a heavy sticky mess that Rin tries to escape because he's too hot and having a hard time panting for breath when his ribs are being squished. 

"G-get off," Rin wheezes out while pushing at him, and Makoto has the nerve to chuckle a little.

"Sorry, sorry. I'm going." 

It hurts when he pulls out, and Rin already suspects swim practice will be _a thing_ tomorrow, but he's too tired to care at the moment. All that matters is that they somehow did it. They somehow managed to accomplish having sex without it being a total failure, and Rin's body is buzzing pleasantly in the aftermath as he finally allows himself to grin elatedly. 

He holds his hand out weakly over his head, and Makoto blinks at it before laughing again and slapping it with his own. 

"We did it!" Rin announces, and he wants to pull Makoto down and hug and kiss him forever in glee only he's covered in way too many fluids for him to really want to keep smearing them all over. 

"We really did!" 

Makoto stays sitting next to him for a while as he brushes a hand through Rin's hair, and it's so soothing that Rin has half a mind to conk out right there and sleep until late in the afternoon. The only thing stopping him is the little thoughtful smile on Makoto's face as he stares up at him. 

"-what is it?" 

"I was just thinking…," Makoto begins as his eyes stare down at the blankets before them and refuse to meet his, "do you think we can try it again once more before I have to go?" 

Rin's face pales as he stares at him in horror, hoping that Makoto is joking. For one, they're pretty much out of lube at this point. For another, Rin's body is rapidly descending into a series of aches all over, so he doubts he'd be able to do much more than lie out there, which is rather sad for an athlete who has immeasurable stamina in the pool. He really needs to work on having the same stamina in bed apparently, but now is not the time. 

Makoto's face breaks into another smile as he leans over to kiss him. "I'm going to take that as a no. Maybe next time?" 

He ducks his head a little, and Rin can spot his ears turning red, which is surprising. How can he still be embarrassed after all they just did and what he just asked? He'd have thought he'd have gained a little more confidence from it all. 

"Yeah… sure. Just don't make a big deal about it," Rin finally replies around a yawn, though he's still wondering if Makoto's continual insistence on this is because he thinks they'll have to part ways eventually. He probably wants to steal as many special moments as he can before then, but Rin stubbornly believes that there is no end in sight for them The future has always been limitless to him, and he hopes one day he can convince Makoto of the same.

For now, he lets Makoto continue playing with his hair and barely catches his reply when the soothing action keeps luring him closer to sleep.

"Should the person who bought all these condoms be the one saying I 'shouldn't make a big deal about it'? I was surprised you didn't decorate the bed in sakura petals, too."

" _Shut up_ ," Rin retorts quickly, the words practically growled out as he curls himself away and into a blanket burrito because if he's honest himself, that really would look pretty … Makoto lying on top of them with a penumbra of flowers around his head… 

Makoto just laughs softly in response and presses up against his back to hug him to his chest, and it's the last thing Rin remembers about that evening as he starts to doze off completely. 

 

**VIII.**

Makoto's gone too quickly from his side in the morning but not without helping him tidy up first and exchanging tiny, awkward kisses, which seem strangely innocent in the face of what they'd done the night before. The memories are still too fresh, lingering heavily in the air while Rin does his best to wash off any remainder of them just so he can look Sousuke in the face again when he returns. He even does him the favor of washing his sheets in spite of being sure that they'd entirely avoided covering it with any kind of fluids whatsoever. It never hurts to be safe, and Rin had already been feeling guilty enough before that the guy even left the room empty for them. 

Once both beds are made and the room is as clean as he can make it, Rin collapses tiredly on the chair and avoids wincing at the phantom soreness still clinging to his backside. He really overdid it, and he's regretting pushing himself so hard like a maniac. At least, they got through it somehow, and he's sort of hyped for the next time, getting a weird giddy feeling in his gut when he thinks about it. 

Unfortunately, the moment of peace is ruined when the door flies open, and Sousuke steps in with Momo caught in his good arm, held captive in a tight headlock. 

"He was standing in front of our room again," Sousuke announces in a deadpan voice, and Rin heaves out a sigh.

"Don't you ever give it a rest?" 

Momo manages to slip out of Sousuke's grip before waving his arms like he's signaling an airplane to land.

"I was just going to stop by and say 'I'm back!' Honest!!" 

Rin is wholly unconvinced by his assertion, but at least, everything embarrassing in his room is either hidden or discarded at this point. That is, except-

"Ah, is that a balloon on the corner of your bed, senpai? You didn't tell me you had balloons in here. Let me see! I'm a real ace at blowing them really huge and-"

Rin and Sousuke only have a split second to share a look of mutual horror before they both dive across the room to tackle Momo while shouting, "Wait-!!" 

**the end.**

**Author's Note:**

> In retrospect, Rin could have smacked his head a few times on the bottom of the top bunk by having sex in that position. It occurred to me while I was editing this, but I was too lazy to write it in. The mental image makes me laugh, though. Maybe one day I'll write a series about the trials and tribulations of bunk bed sex. 
> 
> Also, my love for Sousuke grows by the day. I wish I could have made this into a threesome without feeling like I would be wedging him into it like the pizza boy who shows up at an opportune moment. 
> 
> Anyway, thank you for enjoying if you got this far!


End file.
